Only the woke have to apply to be the best cop in Boston

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Do you have what it takes to become Boston’s next police commissioner?

Step One: Pick up the phone and dial the area code 202.

It’s Washington, of course. But then you seriously didn’t expect anyone from area code 617 to be involved in anything…Boston, did you?

Mayor Michelle Wu, a native of area code 312 (Chicago), has handed the nationwide search for a new PC police commissioner to what appears to be a Washington think tank.

Depending on the city (from Boston, not Washington or Chicago or San Francisco, where the mayor’s new chief of staff is from), here’s what the BPD is demanding of its next commissioner:

“The passion, skills and cultural competencies to serve as a ‘bridge builder’.”

Personally, I think most Bostonians might prefer a “crime stopper” to a “bridge builder.”

“A leader who brings enthusiasm to meet this moment to reinvent policing.”

How about reinventing… safe streets? Or the arrests of criminals? How about reimagining…Downtown Crossing without roving gangs of teenage girls assaulting and calling a 20-year-old woman “white (beep) with pigtails”?

How about reimagining a Chinatown where law-abiding Asians aren’t randomly stabbed?

“A desire to actively center the safety and well-being of Boston’s LGBTQ+ residents.”

How about a desire to protect all citizens – even people born here, speaking English and not on welfare?

At the start of the three-page document that outlines the excellent qualifications the “proven transformational leader” must possess to be considered for the position, the Town Hall revivals open with a now-traditional appeal to virtue:

“We are conducting this research during the ongoing transformation of policing in the wake of the unjust killings of Michael Brown, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and many others – and the resulting demands for racial and social justice.”

Without getting into the issues related to these three unfortunate deaths (none of which happened in Boston, by the way), what about the many other “unjust killings” at the hands of law enforcement recently? ?

Should the next police commissioner care about Ashli ​​Babbitt, the unarmed 35-year Air Force veteran who was shot in cold blood by a Capitol Police officer on Jan. 6?

How about Justine Damond, the 40-year-old unarmed immigrant shot in cold blood by a Minneapolis cop named Mohamed Noor in 2017?

Besides, what about all the police officers slaughtered in this country by deranged leftists – in New York, Dallas, Baton Rouge? Or the members of Congress injured by a brother of Bernie on a baseball field? What about Billy Evans, the Massachusetts Capitol police officer run over and killed by a Nation of Islam lunatic last year?

How about all the Brooklyn straphangers shot last week by another black anti-Semitic racist, or the six Christmas parade goers fatally shot by another black racist in Waukesha, Wisconsin, last year?

Were they hate crimes? Should the new police commissioner only care about victims who tick the correct Democratic boxes, but not anyone who is not part of a protected and privileged class?

One thing we can be sure of – pronouns are going to be very, very important in “this new era of public safety.”

I know this because the publication makes it clear that the next BPD commissioner will not be a “he” or a “she”. No, the next commissioner will be a “they”.

“They will possess the management skills necessary to confront and address issues and practices of inequality and discrimination, and to implement reforms.”

To repeat, here is a reform suggestion for the new boss, singular, whoever he is, plural:

Start arresting thugs again, even if they are “returning citizens” (wokespeak for jailbirds) or “homeless citizens” (Americans at large, formerly known as tramps).

One thing “they” need to be able to do is work with other city agencies, “including Boston’s Office of Police Accountability and Transparency (OPAT).”

Have you ever heard of OPAT? It’s a new hackerama. The director is “Stephanie Everett, Esq.” as it is described on the site of the town hall. She was removed from the piracy waiver thread after a failed campaign for state representative in Dorchester.

Its deputy director is a certain John Steines, a vagrant from Minnesota, where he was a portmanteau of the Democratic-Farmer-Worker (DFL) party.

The future state representative and central time zone payroll patriot is assisted by an executive assistant, an administrative assistant, the administrative reception specialist and two “investigators”.

So far, according to the office’s dashboard, as of yesterday, these seven OPAT pencil pushers have handled a total of… five cases.

What a lot of work to do for the next commissioner, whoever he is. But if you (is that singular or plural?) think you can do the job, you should first call Rebecca Neuburger at 202-997-6287.

She works at the Police Executive Research Forum and she is extremely qualified. She holds a BA from Wesleyan University (area code 860) and an MBA from George Washington University (202).

Candidates from “non-traditional backgrounds” are encouraged to apply, or so the city says, but somehow I think I’d have more than a few knocks against me.

In fact, I think I’d be out of the race as soon as I phoned Ms. Neuburger and she saw the first three digits of my phone number: 617.

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